|
|
Post by zella44 on Oct 28, 2017 14:17:53 GMT
My in-laws just got to know about my infertility and they have already changed their behavior towards me. It wasn't something I did to myself. I am going to hell as well. My condition is getting worse. I consulted a psychologist yesterday. I believe it is more important for me right now to have some mental peace rather than going to different OBs. I am scared my husband will change his behavior towards me at some point. I may be wrong but I have seen men change pretty quickly in such cases. He loved me dearly but fears are fears. I am 46 and will be hitting menopause in some years as it comes early in my family. We just decided to start our family. I knew about fibroids but I was told it won't be a hurdle in pregnancy and conception. Now I keep bleeding at the time. I have my appointment next week. Doctors told me I would need a surgery. Ther we are also a biopsy report I am waiting for. It had to be cancerous I get my system removed. I can't sleep all night with these thoughts.
|
|
|
|
Post by sofiaa on Oct 31, 2017 19:27:16 GMT
Dear Zella, first of all please calm down. I can understand your anxiety. It is sad to see the behavior of your in-laws changing. Dealing with infertility is already so hard. It gets even harder when others start blaming you for it. It is important to keep in mind that there isn't anything you could have done to prevent it. Keeping this in mind will help with your mental health. You are right in thinking that you need to get your mental health in shape before you pursue further treatments. I would suggest that you be open to your husband about it. Tell him that even if you are infertile and it can't be cured then there are other options available. In particular, mention surrogacy. I am a strong believer in its effectiveness. Once he is reassured that all hope is not lost then he will be more supportive of you. Next, ask him for some time so that you can focus on healing your mind. Once you both are ready then you can go for surrogacy.
|
|
|
|
Post by Perera on Oct 31, 2017 19:29:37 GMT
I am so sorry to hear this. We have come so far in the world. Despite that many people tend to cling to the old ways and mentality. Infertility is no one's fault. It just happens. Anyone going through it is already suffering. There is no use in increasing their suffering. I am sure that any woman like you would take appropriate measures to fix it. So, I don't see any valid justification for the change in behavior. Sadly though, my opinion doesn't make a difference. This is just the world we live in. I would suggest you talk to your husband about it. In fact, do it before he starts to change his behavior towards you because of your infertility. This way you will be able to count on his support. Talk to him about the possibilities available. These include surrogacy and adoption to name a few.
|
|
|
|
Post by Melissa on Oct 31, 2017 19:32:15 GMT
It makes me so angry when I read stories like this. Many people are still so backward in their way of thinking. This is especially true in Asia. In-laws etc need to cut the poor woman some slack. She is already going through a lot. I really don't think infertility is a walk in the park for her. So, why do they feel they need to change their attitudes towards her? At times like these what she needs is support and love. Instead, this is what she gets. Insecurities and blame. I just hope you manage to make it out okay. Also that your husband is mature about it. There are other options available like surrogacy. Hold on tight and keep fighting.Good luck!
|
|
|
|
Post by honyeliat on Oct 31, 2017 19:33:22 GMT
I can feel your pain. I have a friend who is going through a similar situation as you. She married a guy she was greatly in love with. So was he. Two years later when they still had no child they started drifting apart. It started with cutting remarks and taunts from the in-laws. Soon enough her husband soon started blaming her for it. They decided to go to a fertility clinic. Guess what they found out? It was actually her husband who was infertile. Society is quick to declare women as the cause. I don't know which one of you is infertile in your case, but I can say this. Don't let it get you down. Fight for yourself. Being unable to have a child doesn't make you any less of a human. You deserve to be treated the same way as before.
|
|
|
|
Post by humahony on Oct 31, 2017 19:39:47 GMT
Hello, Zella, Honey, you don’t need to be worried. If your husband is fine with you, then you should not worry about rest of the world. I wish people in this world could understand that nobody is suffering from infertility by choice. It is something that is natural. Have you tried talking to your in-laws? If yes, what was their reaction? If no, ask your husband to talk to them. He might be able to make them understand your situation. Don’t think negative about your husband. I am sure he will not leave you even when you are facing such a hard time. I hope the results of your test will be fine. Don’t stress yourself by over thinking. I think you have made a right choice of visiting psychologist. It is necessary to stay peaceful when you have to struggle a lot. I wish you luck for your doctor’s visit.
|
|
|
|
Post by anyees on Oct 31, 2017 19:41:21 GMT
Hello, Zella, I hope you are doing fine. It is really upsetting to know about your in-laws. They should understand that it is not your own choice. Please don’t stress yourself by thinking about negative things. I hope things will be back on the track soon. I am happy to know about your husband. At least, he is the one who is supporting you. Why doesn't he talk to your in-laws and try to make them understand that it is not your fault? I think you have taken a right decision of visiting psychologist. Do not worry about your husband. If he really loves you, he will not leave you. Don’t think negative, please. I hope that the result of your test turns out to be fine. I hope that fibroid in your body is not cancerous. I wish you best of luck for your doctor’s visit. Everything will be fine.
|
|
|
|
Post by mehwishhony on Oct 31, 2017 19:43:20 GMT
"I'm really sorry to hear your story  I would say that you need to keep your mental peace as well as continue visiting specialists. Don't worry about what your in-laws have to say, they will keep saying things and if you regard that as important, it'll make things look even worse. Also, I'm pretty sure that if your husband has been with you for so many years, he will not abandon you in times like this. Since you will be reaching menopause in a few years, I highly recommend going for surrogacy without further delay. You can have your own surrogate baby, sharing your genes. About the blood - please consult a specialist immediately. Again, I know it's hard to do so, but please do not pay attention to what others say. You are a mature lady and should know and tell others the same that it's your life and they don't get the chance to decide your future for you. I pray that things get easy for you and you lead a normal life. I can imagine that once you have a surrogate baby, they all will again start paying you visits, so it's just a matter of time. Your good days will return. Stay strong, please!" |
|
|
|
Post by jonyhony on Oct 31, 2017 19:45:15 GMT
"People have the right to their opinion and you have the right to ignore it.
If your in-law's name is not God, their opinion doesn't matter and their approval isn't needed.
I'd also second what the other lady above has to say... you need to opt for the surrogacy asap. It should not be because you want a child so the in-laws are happy. You should do it because you want it. Nothing else matters but your happiness.
Next time if your SIL comes reminding you of what she thinks of it, say proudly that you don't care what she thinks about you. You don't think about her at all.
I've also heard about the a clinic in Ukraine and have heard and read quite good reviews about it. The procedure seems very simple and not complicated at all. You reach out the clinic and in the end, you walk home with your baby in your hands.
Stay strong, stay blessed!"
|
|
|
|
Post by ellaoty5 on Oct 31, 2017 19:47:14 GMT
Listen, dear! You should not take this hard on yourself...It's not something you did intentionally. It's your reality and you've to face it. Don't believe what others think or say! I think you should just concentrate on your health for now. It's far more important than everything; your husband should stand with you in the difficult time. You should not pay attention to these issues of the family or relatives for some time until you get better. Just take your medical treatment on the number one priority. Just pray and hope for the betterment of your condition. Please, take the right measures and precautions suggested by your doctor. I wish you better health and life. Take care! Bless ya! Xoxo
|
|
mexge
New Member
Posts: 11 
|
Post by mexge on Oct 31, 2017 19:48:11 GMT
Well, your condition is really unpleasant. I think you should be strong now. You need patience and calmness for now. Your first priority should be the right and concentrated treatment for now. I really wish you to have a better treatment. I think you should take care of yourself and your husband for now. That's all you need; forget all the crap! You need to embrace your infertility now; while showing some maturity. I think you should consider other options to complete your family. It's you that your husband has left now. don't waste time with your other in-laws and over-thinking shouldn't be on the table. Just sort out things and plan surrogacy for your family completion. It's your present need beside other things in life. Take care xoxo!  |
|
|
|
Post by zaniim on Oct 31, 2017 19:49:24 GMT
Hey Zella! Your story made me cry. I started to remember my time when I was new at this forum and I started to express my feelings and problems with other women to get some help and suggestions. I also felt the same as you do. It is a very difficult phase to go through for every woman who cannot become a mother but there is no choice except just accepting the facts and dealing with the problems. I am very saddened after knowing about your disease. I was also happily married and after one year of my marriage, I was also diagnosed with a heart disease. I also didn’t know what to do because my family also started to act differently with me as I am nothing to them. But my husband still stood beside me and he told me that he will always be there for me. I am glad that your husband also loves you. I was also afraid of you, that my husband will leave me one day, but he hasn’t and I hope your husband will do the same. I pray that your tests are positive for you to become a mother and all the problems get solved. If the tests are negative then you should have a child to prove your family that they were and you can do so by going for surrogacy. Yes, my dear, surrogacy is the best option for every infertile woman. Discuss it with your doctor and take your husband with you to the clinic so that the doctor can explain him better about surrogacy. My colleague had a baby about 3 years ago with help of surrogacy and she has guided me with the procedure and clinic. I will be so happy to transfer the information to you once you come up with a decision. I will be waiting. Much love.
|
|
|
|
Post by jaseka on Oct 31, 2017 19:51:04 GMT
Hey, hunbun! A different story on a different day. I almost daily visit this forum to read different posts done by different women concerning their worries and issues. It feels good to help someone who is facing the same problem like you. I feel very upset on your disease. You and I don’t have a similar disease but we have the same issue of not being able to become a mother. I want you to forget the thought of being alone in this and I hope you will do it soon because it is for your betterment. It is not your fault that you have this problem and your family is showing a very negative attitude. It’s not good for them because they are wrong. You need to focus on your condition rather thinking about their behavior. The most important support comes from the husband and you are very lucky to have that. The test results will tell the final thing, that what could be done now. I hope that the tests come up with a good news but keeping the possibility of negative results in mind I would like to suggest you a solution for it. The solution for your condition is very simple and easy and it is surrogacy. I know of a clinic that provides best services for surrogacy. You will be the biological parents without any problem. They also offer free food, residence, and transport for their patients. I hope your husband will consider surrogacy as the last option if you tell him all about it. You don’t want to wait more because you are already 46 and don’t waste more time, please. Stay blessed.
|
|
|
|
Post by kagneyseal on Nov 30, 2017 7:20:45 GMT
Hello Zella! So sorry to hear about the behavior of your in laws towards you. As you already going through a lot of trauma they must have to show you a support and specially your husband. He is your life partner and partner for sharing every happiness and sorrow. I believe and hope that he will never change his behavior towards you rather he will support you and will help you in getting out of all these situations. Just go through all your treatments and take care of yourself and ignore the behaviors of your in laws. Good luck with your biopsy report.
|
|
|
|
Post by smarty on Dec 12, 2017 22:01:45 GMT
Oh, dear, I'm so sorry. How are you doing now? Any positive news? Hope your biopsy report was good. Let us know if everything's fine.
Unfortunately, a lot of women get infertile after 40. Well, this situation is awful, but it is reality. We have to deal with it. Infertility is not a reason to give up or to divorce. Your in laws have to support you. I completely don't understand why are they doing this to you. It's not your fault. You can't fix this. They have to accept it. I just hope that your husband loves you more than your in laws. He is responsible for you. He should help you find the solution to this issue.
A lot of infertile women just give up. It is so wrong. Medicine offers a lot of solutions to infertility nowadays. I also faced infertility. But I'm a mother now. We found the surrogate to give birth instead of me. This service is very popular nowadays. A lot of infertile women use the help of the surrogates. It is a great chance to get a baby without getting pregnant. Surrogacy is legal in most countries. We have chosen the BioTexCom reproduction center in Ukraine. They helped us to do everything in the right way. I'm sure you can do the same, dear.
|
|
